this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
