I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
