she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
