i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
