guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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