The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
