Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
