First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
