yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
