The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
