Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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