I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
