They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
