Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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