i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
