i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
