I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
