I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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