i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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