if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
