I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
