just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
