My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he thought i was a dude.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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