I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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