You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
