My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
