i was born a porn star she said
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
