brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
