wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
