I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
At least life still wants to fuck me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
