I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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