He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
