just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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