i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
