final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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