508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
