I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
