You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Randomize
