The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My ass is underappreciated
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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