I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
