Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
