yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Randomize
