don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
this hospital has no fireball
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
