Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
