I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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