I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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