eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
