He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
