from now on my penis is your penis
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
