I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
