All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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