I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
