how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
